GRS Wales Blog

Male to Female Makover and Feminization Help for TG Women, Crossdresser, and Transsexual
Denae Doyle is a Femininity Coach who offers private consultations and training videos to create and improve your feminine image in both your personal and professional life.

Denae works with the TG woman (male to female) on voice, feminine movement, makeup, hair and wigs. Her clientele includes post-op transsexuals, transgendered individuals who are preparing for sexual reassignment surgery (pre-op transsexuals), as well as serious crossdressers.

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This guide relates to the United Kingdom. Apologies, but I don’t know enough about the rest of the world to write accurately .You’ve transitioned, or you are about to transition. What documents can you change?In theory you should be able to change all documents except for a birth certificate or Marriage Certificate. Stop Press - The UK government has stated, in late 2002, that it will introduce legislation for transsexual people to have new birth certificates and heterosexual marriage. They will not, however, allow change to National Insurance Numbers which could cause problems for people rejoining a former employer. In the UK it’s Quite easy to change most documents providing that you first obtain two documents that you need to help you. Read the rest of this entry »

This guide relates to the United Kingdom. Apologies, but I don’t know enough about the rest of the world to write accurately. This guide relates only to those who are sure that they are transsexual. If you are not sure then try to wait a while before you get sucked into something that may take control before you are ready.

So you’ve decide that you are definitely transsexual….where do you go from there?

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I know it’s been a while since my last post, but I’ve quite busy lately.

I’ve made another appointment to see Mr Terry regarding the niggle I have with a sensative bit of skin and now have an appointment for the 19th July, hopefully it’s nothing too serious and something that some silver nitrate will solve.

I been emailed recently regarding advice on the tuck method, for those wishing to know more on how to do this then read the post here on The Tuck Method which should help.

Also I’ve been asked about how to guides there are also some of those here, kindly supplied by Pamela Sexton I will be adding some more in the next few days, so keep them eyes peeled or even better subscribe to my feed

Many people think that it’s appearance and voice that give you away when ‘dressed’. Quite often it’s body language. This guide gives you ideas on the sort of things to observe and practice.

Many people believe that all they have to do to take on the appearance of the opposite biological sex is to put on a dress, use a little make-up and they are there. That is not the case and will cause somebody to be read easily. There are a combination of features that need to be used to reinforce people’s idea that you are a woman. Speech patterns are important but one of the most important things is body language. If your body language is wrong then you are going to be read instantly.

There are major differences in body language between men and women. From time to time it will appear to converge because some men have innate feminine traits and some women have innate masculine traits. In General though, transsexuals need to have a slight stereotype in order to be unmistakenly taken as a member of the opposite birth sex regardless of what they happen to be wearing. For example, I am almost always taken for female even when wearing a sweatshirt and jeans. This, I put down to my long-time study of body language.

How do you start? Body language can’t be learned overnight, especially if you have been in denial for long periods of time or you have tried to make yourself appear as masculine as possible. Genetic females have a lifetime to pick up the natural movements and body language - male to female transsexuals often have a lifetime of being brought up as male, learning male body language, and then wish to change to female almost overnight with sometimes, very little preparation.

The simple way to learn body language is to observe women closely. This may be easier said than done because if you stare you are likely to be noticed and thought of as a little strange. A thing that I used to do was to go to a public cafe, often with a newspaper and observe the female customers over the top of that newspaper. This way, you can observe the way a woman would hold a cigarette, or a cup of coffee. You can see how she interacts with other men or women, her hand and facial expressions, the way she sits. But it’s important that you don’t only observe one person. Many women have different body languages. Most of them are correct but they are different.

It’s important to observe how somebody may smile, or flirt or laugh or yawn. A woman will often smile lots but when she laughs it will be a small laugh or she may laugh behind her hand. She doesn’t have a loud belly-laugh as a man would do. Smiling may also be part of the flirting ritual too. A stereotype is that a woman will flutter her eyelashes at a man - not true. You need to observe it for yourself though. Just because a woman flirts does not mean she wishes to sleep with somebody. I flirt all the time and I’m celibate until after my operation.

You need to observe how a woman really walks, in flats, in trainers and in heels. Don’t fall into the stereotypical trap of deliberately swaying your hips because you will only see that in films or on a catwalk and it’s a dead giveaway in real life. Watch how a woman holds her arms when walking and watch what she does with her hands. Notice the differences when she is carrying a handbag, a bag of shopping or nothing at all. Watch her with children or with other adults and notice the differences in various age groups. Running is another way men and women differ. Watch how a female jogger runs or how a woman will run for a bus or a train. There are differences from the way men do it.

The most important thing of all is to practice what you learn. If you are out observing then copy the mannerisms but do it in a subtle way. Make it as natural as possible and practice often. Little mannerisms give the body language signals and regardless of appearance you will soon get called miss, madam, love, sweetheart, etc.

Body language can’t be learned overnight and takes a lot of observation and a lot of practice. Don’t copy from other transgendered people because if they make a mistake, you will learn the mistake and not the correct way of doing things. Avoid too much transgender stereotyping. A female impersonator rarely has the correct mannerisms and they use over-the-top stereotypes to reinforce their images of women which are often misplaced.

Finally, Don’t think I AM MALE, think I AM FEMALE and you will succeed.

Copyright of Pamela Sexton, 2005.

Reproduced with the kind permission of Pamela Sexton

Stay tuned for another guide tomorrow

One of the problems with being transgendered is how to buy clothes, make-up wigs, etc. without being ripped off. Many people are nervous in the early days but below I hope to show how easy things are.

Mail-Order

In the early days most transgendered don’t go straight to the shops. They use mail-order. Beware, not everybody who claims to be working in the interests of the transgendered is doing so. Many are there to make as much profit as they can knowing that people won’t have the confidence to shop at non-transgender shops. This is why you can pay £10 for a pair of knickers from a transgender supplier when they would cost only £1 from a non-transgender shop or store. You also have the disadvantage that certain items may not be returned. For example, if you purchase a wig or any item that goes around the groin (knickers, a cache-sexe) may not be returned if they have been worn. If you use a general mail order catalogue from one of the well known companies you have a better chance of returning goods. Many now include a crotch cover so that you can even try on Swimming Costumes and bikinis, and as long as the crotch cover has not been removed, they may be returned.

Shoes are another problem by mail-order. Most catalogues have shoes up to a size 8 (UK) at best. A few of the smaller companies may go up to size 9 or 10 but the styles are limited. Companies that specifically aim at the transgender community may go up to size 12 but, in general, the shoes are not designed for everyday wear, and they may be a little narrow for the average male foot. Many transgender shoe companies don’t supply flat shoes and heels are not practical for full time wear. When shoes are available by mail-order, they are usually priced more expensively than going into a local shop, where you may get bargains in the sales.

Make-up by mail order is always difficult. What may look good on a model may not look good on you. You need to experiment with colours and types that are suitable for your skin colour and texture. You need to ensure that your make-up co-ordinates with your clothes, hair colour, skin colour and eye colour. There is nothing worse that seeing somebody who looks quite feminine wearing blue eye-shadow with green eyes for example because the eyes are a big give away. There are mail-order make-up companies that do let you have free samples. These should be taken advantage of as this gives you the opportunity to experiment and find the right colour for you.

Avoid like the plague any company that offers any type of hormone by mail. Some companies may offer hormone creams. Don’t touch them. Firstly, if they worked, they would only be available by prescription. The UK Government regulates oestrogen and testosterone hormones very strongly. Some people have told me that they have bought hormone creams and they have worked. This is bunkum. Firstly, imagination plays a part. Chubby breasts will still be chubby breasts even after applying any form of cream, they won’t have developed that way because of any creams that have not been prescribed. Secondly, massage helps to a small extent. Also, don’t buy hormones from countries where hormones are not regulated. Without exaggeration, YOU CAN DIE. Hormones need proper monitoring by a GP, a psychiatrist or an endocrinologist. Regardless of how painful any psychological pain the risks from hormones are extremely serious. You are at risk of liver damage, thrombosis, kidney damage, heart damage, strokes, etc. Some of you who are not TS will become sterile or impotent, not a problem for most TS’s. You will usually be quite safe if you are monitored, but black market and mail-order hormones are dangerous.

The Real World

At some time, many people like to go shopping themselves and leave behind the mail-order companies. Before many people go ‘dressed’, they go in male-mode. So how do you go about it?

First, you need to prepare, especially if you are nervous. Many people believe that the shop assistant will think them weird for buying women’s clothing. This isn’t the case. Many shop assistants are on commission and just want to make a sale. However, there are excuses that can be used if still nervous. “I’m buy for my wife/girlfriend/sister/mother” is a common excuse used. But don’t be too quick to use the excuse. It often looks rehearsed if you tell the assistant in advance. It is unlikely that you’ll even be asked but it’s there in reserve if you feel you need it. Another excuse of a similar nature is to carry a shopping list as if you were buying for a relative who is ill. It helps if you have details written down of what you want including size. If this method is used, you will often find shop staff very helpful.

As you get more confident, you can, if you like, tell the shop assistant that you are buying for yourself. In many town and city centers you will find the staff very helpful. Where single changing rooms are available they will sometimes let you try on the items that you wish to buy. This is the best option as assistants will usually advise you on whether an item is suitable for you. Too many people buy clothes that are too old or too young for them and really stand out when they change to their femme selves. It is often better for a person brought up as male, who initially has no idea of fashion for their age, to seek the advice of a genetic female when shopping for many items. By being out in the open, items such as wigs and shoes can be tried for appearance, underwear and outerwear can be browsed for suitable items for ones self rather than anything selected rather hurriedly.

In the UK, many stores are seen as transgender friendly for ‘normal’ shopping. Marks and Spencer is a large chain of stores which mainly sells clothing, and they’re famous for their underwear. It is know that they train their staff how to deal with transsexual and transvestite customers with sensitivity and understanding. All customers whether male or female are treated equally. Shoe City is a large UK chain of shoe stores. Many of their ladies fashions go up to a UK size 10 and a half. These stores are very popular with the transgendered who’s shoe sizes are above a size 8. Crispins is a less well known chain of shoe stores. They do women’s shoes up to size 12. They sell more fashionable ranges than Shoe City. They are rather pricey but their shoes are man made using leather, rather than made on a machine. They also have a mail-order service. Boots are quite good for make-up and hair care. They are not the cheapest but larger branches do sometimes have make-up consultants who can advise on the best type for you. They are not judgmental and can give you a better idea of colours than you could on your own.

What do you do if you’ve transitioned? The longer you have lived in role, the easier things will get. The first time is the hardest. Not only will you be out looking for something to wear, but you’re also going to feel nervous about being read. There will be a million things to think of. In theory it should be easier to shop. In reality, nerves take over more than when shopping in male mode. The first item I ever bought post-transition was a simple pair of gloves (It was actually a friend bought them as a Christmas Present), not only did I have to go into a busy shopping center, but I also had the misfortune to do it in mid afternoon when school-children were leaving school. I was as nervous as anybody could be but that experience was necessary for me not to be nervous today. If you get to that stage, you will be able to shop anywhere at any time. Good Luck!

Copyright of Pamela Sexton, 2005.

Reproduced with the kind permission of Pamela Sexton

Stay tuned for another guide tomorrow